Voicing Education

Consciously Educating

What skills are needed for special education?

Women Leaders / by

This week I speak with Kris Diasio, a passionate Special Education Coach.  Kris is a highly inspiring individual, who provides students with the tools for a life of learning; helping them to overcome learning difficulties to lead successful lives.

As well as students, Kris’ educational coaching services extends to parents, carers and teachers. Parents are helped to navigate the difficult situations of their child’s educational experience. Whilst, teachers are supported in bridging the gap, in order to work more successfully with the students.

VIEW TRANSCRIPT

How do you handle mistakes? I just say be comfortable with making them…You’re going to do it wrong until you get it right…We have to let go of the perfect.

Kris Diasio

Kris Diasio

Special Education Coach

Kris offers special education coaching for parents, caregivers, and teachers to support students with special educational needs. Her specialism is working with students (aged from 13 to 18),  helping them to overcome learning difficulties and have a successful education experience.

With 30 years of coaching experience, Kris teaches, inspires and uplifts students diagnosed with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, anxiety and depression. She uses both her academic background (MS SP.ED) and practical experience, to deliver an educational coaching service where she consciously acts as a ‘translator’ between the student, the parents and schools.

Through her passion, Kris adds value to students, parents and schools through a range of services.

Add2Life20.com

Learning points:

  • 16:46 – Conflict
  • 19:36 – Making mistakes
  • 30:19 – Speaking up
  • 32:19 – Being in control

Resources:

Book
ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction- From Childhood Through Adulthood by Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey

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NOTE: This podcast was transcribed by Otter. Apologies in advance for any typos or errors.

Kris 0:00
Admitting as a leader, yeah, I messed up because that apology is the grease that keeps the gears going. That’s what keeps people going, and failure is. It’s just part of that lesson and I shared with my students. I’ve sat in the throne of failure but it’s put me in front of you, and be be comfortable with mistakes and failing because it’s all for growth. We have to you…can’t be all perfect right, what’s that?

Kathleen Cushnie 0:37
Welcome to Voicing Education The Podcast, I’m Kathleen Cushnie Founder of Voicing Education, a Senior Leader in Education, Trainer and Coach. My mission is to help new leaders and teachers aspiring to leadership, become confident in their ability to lead others successfully. Whether you’re a new or aspiring leader, this podcast will help you to become confident in your ability to lead others successfully. We discuss key themes in education and personal development and how this can impact, educational leadership. Let’s move that needle from confusion and overwhelm to clarity and inspiration. Kris Diasio is a Special Education Coach, supporting students with ADHD dyslexia, anxiety and depression, to overcome learning difficulties, and lead successful lives. Her educational coaching services also extends to parents, carers and teachers,. With over 30 plus years of experience, Kris’ personal coaching style support students to learn, life AND academic skills to realise their limitless potential. Many of what she refers to as ‘graduates’ have progressed to have successful careers, as scientists, therapists, and military personnel, to name a few. Kris, as you will see is passionate about inspiring and supporting others are fairly enjoyed engaging, well I thoroughly enjoy engaging with Kris, and you will see just how infectious and positive her personality is.

Before I start I just want to thank Financial Joy Academy, who are sponsoring this episode. Financial Joy Academy, also known as FJA to its family members, and I say family members as FJA community really are just that. Financial Joy Academy is run by husband and wife team Ken and Mary Okorafor. They offer a private space for action taking Dream Makers, who want to achieve financial independence. Financial Joy Academy have a range of courses, regardless of where you are on your journey to financial freedom, together with fellow Dream Makers, Ken and Mary support and encourage you on your own journey, which is what they’ve been doing for me for just over a year now free coaching calls, and their popular 5am Club. For more information, head over to their website, to take a look at the recommendations from other Dream Makers. If you’re convinced and want to join our family of Dream Makers, I have an exclusive link, which gives you 15% off your first month, check the link in the show notes. Financial Joy Academy provides an essential learning for all we know as educators that learning never stops. Hi and welcome Kris Diasio, it’s so nice to have you here. I’m grateful because I’m talking to you while you’re all the way over in Oregon, USA, and obviously you’re not all the way because you’re right in front of me right now and we’re connecting and having conversation, and I’m just so excited to finally see you and talk to you and really dig deep into find out a bit more about your work and what you do, because we connected I think it’s about six months ago now, just, just on social media. I mean, social media is a powerful thing everybody I think we’ve got to make our connections, and keep the conversations going because there are some fantastic people out there doing really great things. And I just think it’s really important to keep the conversations going… the connections, because you just learned so much. So Chris, thank you and you know I do want to share what your work and all the great things that you’re doing with everybody and guests because I think you’re fantastic your energy like I’ve always said to you, your energy just…I don’t know, it just comes right through your posts, your videos just who you are is authentic, and I think you display that well. You really, really do show that because you can tell that you are who you are, and people gravitate towards you. So thank you for gracing me here today.

Kris 4:40
Thank you Kathleen and so much. It’s such an honour to be on your show, and I am so happy to be here. And it’s so nice to get to know you… seeing you right. And I love the power of LinkedIn and social media, it’s just absolutely wonderful. And to make these connections and so I’m just really grateful, really grateful to be here.

Kathleen Cushnie 5:03
I’m grateful to and excited. And so Kris is a Special Educational Coach. She works with students, she works with teachers and she also works with parents, so she’s working at every level in education. And before I kind of go into the you know, giving you the sound bites, it’d be really nice to hear from you. Tell us why is your work value.

Kris 5:25
Oh my goodness. Well, there are a lot of students who have neurodiversity, I work specifically with ADHD, ADD, and dyslexic students, and you know they deserve a chance. And these are future brilliant leaders, and they just need some guidance, and encouragement and hope that they can do well, and so that gives me the lovely task of being very creative, on what I give to them, and how I make a task that is maybe looming and like a book report, how do we make break that down. Put that into chunks, and make it better so you can manage through it and be successful because we want them to be successful at the end of day. And just getting to know the whole child, you know, understanding where they’ve come from what they’ve what they value, What has been difficult for them understanding your road and a path. So, I really enjoy working and I enjoy working with the family sometimes, while the student can be for me, easy, sometimes it’s the parents that are struggling the most. No, and it’s just because they just have either gotten misinformation or they’re just, you just don’t know. We don’t have enough information about what’s going on with your students. So that’s where I come in, and also helping in supporting teachers. Sometimes the teachers, you know, they’re so busy doing many other things that the stop and, oh, special education, how do I manage this and I know a lot of teachers get training on that, but they don’t have the kind of, I have a master’s in special education and we bathed in…and that’s like being in medical school. So my vision and my goggles, if you will, on how I approach a student is very different than what I call a regular, a regular education teacher. So that’s where I’m encouraging everyone on the team. And also sometimes it can be the translator for the student, the student doesn’t have the words, or they have difficulty or maybe they’re, you know, more aggressive. And so I able to break that down, when the teacher can hear, the parents can hear, and there’s more harmony, so that the student can thrive and do well.

Kathleen Cushnie 7:37
Yes that is so brilliant because I read that, you know, on, I think it’s your website that you are the translator between the students, the parents and the teachers. And I think that is crucial because so many times, issues can escalate, just simply because of the way that it’s been communicated, or misheard or interpreted or actually. Because sometimes the message that the student or the pupils trying to say, just gets miscued viewed, just by perhaps maybe how the parent or the teacher is feeling that way, or perhaps the things that they’ve heard in previous conversations. So I think that’s really really important role and I think that that is valuable. That is so valuable and crucial. And so thanks for sharing that, in the sense of supporting teachers, could you just break down like how you do, how you lead that and what that looks like on a daily basis.

Kris 8:34
Well, you know, working with the team so when I first got a student, you know, first I talked to the parent, the parent has a lot to share, then I work with the student, and then I, you know, share with the teachers, so I get in touch with the teachers immediately, Hey, I mean I say educational coach. I don’t like labels so if I say an ADD coach, maybe that student, you know that, in other words, they might not have had the diagnosis, or if they have, they don’t want the English teacher to go oh I’m working with the ADD coach. So I always tell a parent introduce me as an educational coach, that way there’s no stigma. Um, because I really value that the student. Students have especially teenagers now, you’re dealing with shame and a lot of issues around their diagnosis. So try to keep that more confidential, and then just saying hi, I’m the team player. Let me know how they’re doing in the classroom, making that communication and that connection is super important and so that’s how I started off. And then as time goes by, talking with the teacher and talk with the parents, usually with parents, I have to overturn them like in the beginning I’m going to be talking to you a lot. And then I’m going to taper off and you’re going to have me work with those heavy assignments, you know, mom and dad need to step back a little bit, because it’s kind of like getting off of the drug of, you know, hyper vigilance, especially the student with diagnosis is the parent feels chronic and they are exhausted. So I’m like, this is your time to step back, let me take the heat. I know it, I’m trained in it. And I also don’t take this personally, right, because I’m not the parent, your parents love your child and you want so many things for them and to see the successes and failures. So I alleviate that and then I keep the parent in the loop all the time, isn’t it, it’s just that they need to just relax and focus on them. If anything comes up and I always let the parent know hey we’re working on these things now, so I keep them in the loop but it has to be so hyper vigilant, making, relax, and you know someone else is Dr child has their child’s best interests at heart in education. That’s how I navigate through that.

Kathleen Cushnie 10:51
Yeah, that’s that’s so interested in keeping the best interests, you know, at heart. And you spoke about connection, and, you know, I clearly can see, like I said to you about your energy and just how you come across, and the connections that you make, And I was having a look on your LinkedIn, and I saw that there was a former student, and I just want to read it out because I think this says a lot about your work and how powerful it is. So I’m just going to read it out just for everyone to hear. And so it says, “Kris has helped me exponentially throughout the years. During the entire process she was patient kind and understanding. I can honestly say, I would not be where I am today without support that Kris has given to me. No matter what she made sure I had the tools to be successful, academically, professionally and emotionally. Even as the years pass, she will still check in with me from time to time and offer advice.” I mean, come on, that is one of the things i’ve ever heard! That’s why, you know people go into coaching or…Amazing!

Kris 11:59
When I read that, I cried. I was like wow, because you know…My theory is, imagine a wall, and I have a wheelbarrow, and I throw over, I always have tonnes of ideas and if this didn’t work. Let’s try this, and I throw over these seeds, and then I look back, and sometimes you see things take root, and sometimes you don’t. But it’s okay. And then I look back and then sometimes I see blooms and with him. I’ve seen amazing. He’s successful, he has his own business, and he has done so well in his own business that I have hired him to help me with mine, he does my social media, he makes sure that I am visible. I’m on Google because of him, he just made it all happen. He says you gotta be out there, you’re not out there and I said well you I am and he’d say I mean, there’s no no, and he’s brilliant! So it’s an honour to have… so thank you for reading that I love it. He’s a great guy!

Kathleen Cushnie 12:57
It’s just a good example of how you can… it was a good example of how you can give, and how that can be returned to prime example. You know, and, and the importance of deep connections, connections and building relationships, because it’s all about relationships, isn’t it really? In order to be successful, you’ve got to have great relationships with pupils, with parents with teachers, everybody, and talking about great relationships, actually let’s talk about leadership, and because you’ve been working in education now for over 30 years. So tell us a little bit about your journey.

Kris 13:35
Well, I how I came into my leadership, I first was in. I attended San Jose State University in California, and I was in the ROTC training programme. It’s funny, I was going to be an Army Officer and thank goodness God had a different plan for me. But in ROTC, I was learning how to be a leader, and really adverse conditions because you preparing for war. What do you do so, that was my first introduction. My second was I was Assistant Manager at 25, at an athletic store. And this was a very pivotal point I was already in retail for 10 years at that point I started very young, and I went ahead and started working with the teams. I was interested in was two Assistant Managers, one was on the floor selling, I was teaching them, training them, and then I’d be in the back with them, listening to their problems. And I realised I was in the wrong career. So I left that I gave my one month’s notice my boss was really happy I did that but she was like, it doesn’t surprise me, she says, our part timers, because they love you, and you should be doing, being involved with teams, and that’s what started it. Um, later of course I had my business at the time for 18 years that did really well. And then I decided to go a different direction, and that’s a big one, big leadership is when I became a Programme Manager, or at risk girls, so they were sex traffic girls, I added staff with of eighteen team. I had an executive team, and they were my right hand, and boy did I learn a lot about leadership, and it was good because I was ready for that. Now after the pandemic I lost that job so thought hey, I want to go back into education, but that it was really great being the Programme Manager because you know I knew how to document the girls I knew how to handle the staff, you wouldn’t think… to see people think that, oh you’re self employed, what would you know about running crew but I work with teachers, school psychologists, I work with parents, students, and so I’m already working with community. Also I’ve done a lot of community work as well so I know how to manage people, and really, you know, inspire them and my biggest thing is to come alongside the students support them with that. So that was my that was my start.

Kathleen Cushnie 16:07
Wow, it’s very varied and it just goes to show all of those skills that you’ve picked up along the way and how they you know you can bring them together and do what you do so well. What’s really interesting aswell is that you know you’ve kind of come around full circle, twice, so you know you’ve always ended back up into education but yeah that’s clearly where your soul is. So nice. So you spoke about challenges so what would you say has been your toughest challenge or your toughest lesson so far and why?

Kris 16:39
You know, really, I think it’s well there’s a couple things I wanted to talk I wanted to talk about conflict and mistakes. So, conflict by what I learned and in all my journey is being really good listener and listening. So when you’re new in your career in your 30s it’s very easy to listen for five minutes, and then while that person is talking, you’re thinking of a battalion of solutions, and you’re just, oh, and now stuck with me. So now I slow down, and I need to hear all of the story, because if I only get 50% and I’m starting to rattle off solutions, that’s not going to serve that person. So learning how to slow down. Really listen. I have things as far as being like teachers that are going to be mentors or they’re going into leadership position, and this is things I’ve learned is there’s two different categories there’s one camp of people come to you know there’s a problem or challenge, they come to the person and they don’t, you know, what do I do, and being a teacher, I’m like, okay, give them some solutions. I know there’s also the school of thought of, well, what do you have what do you think…that’s, I’ll get to that in a minute. But I was offering like two suggestions, and then asked so what do you think, what would you like to be offering inviting them in that they really come to you for the answers. I’m kind of like then give it to them. Then there’s the other school of thought, or the other situation where I would have a staff, who was reoccurring with the challenge or problem. And with that, that’s when I’d say, okay, you’ve mentioned this before. Give me three examples. I always like using the number three, I think it’s good short and sweet to the point being an ADHD coach I’m a natural editor, so let’s get down to brass tacks, get to it. And then listen to that and do a follow up in one week. Because I’ll tell you what that problem starts going wait I don’t want to see every week. So that kind of calms that down. So that’s how I’ve dealt with conflict. I’ve also I believe in monthly trainings. I did that, I’m taking time out to meet with people individually, because I’m sure you’ve been in that situation where you have a meeting and everybody’s like crickets, there’s a reason for that. I feel uncomfortable speaking up right. So that’s what, yeah I like to check in with people individually and understand dynamics, and of course being the leader, big picture. That’s where I camp out, being the visionary being flexible, always open to change, especially in the kind of work that I used to do, it’s changing all the time. Yeah, you know, um, and I think the other thing I would get into is mistakes. How do you handle mistakes, and I just say be comfortable with making them, you’re going to get, you’re going to do it wrong until you get it right and what do we do as teachers we want that perfection. We want that moment but we have a lesson plan and we’re going to do this and it’s going to happen this way. And we have to let go of the perfect, because I always say that my students are my teachers. I really learned from them, and we’re not robots. And yet we want to be the role model, and I’m sure for young teachers out there listening to this, they go, Well, we’re not supposed to do this but we’re supposed to do this. Which one is it? And that takes decades of learning, you’ll find your own rhythm, and that’s good. Find your own rhythm and you’ll learn from your mistakes but be comfortable with them and don’t go into like what I call the cone of shame of, you know, oh my gosh I’m so embarrassed. You’re gonna make them, but that’s where you learn. And that’s where you grow and you’re a better version of yourself when you make those mistakes so when I was just started with my job as being a programme manager, I gave set of instructions to my weekend staff on Friday. I came back on Monday, one of my executives stands and says, oh, this and this and this happened Kris, how did they do that? Why did they..? And I raised my hand like I was in school I said oh it was, it was me. It was me, I said not a good idea, and I explained myself and said My thinking was ABC, I said that I realised that didn’t work. So lesson learned. I said I won’t be doing that again. Admitting as a leader, yeah, I messed up because that apology is the grease that keeps the gears going. That’s what keeps people going. And failure is… It’s just part of that lesson and I shared with my students. I’ve sat in the throne of failure but it’s put me in front of you, and be comfortable with mistakes and failing because it’s all the growth. We have to, you can’t be all perfect, right, what’s that!? So, and be gentle with yourself when you make mistakes, you’re gonna make them. It’s okay, it’s just part of that journey, and not beating yourself up into oblivion or calling in a sick day because you’re so embarrassed and here’s the biggest thing, especially in front of students. Admit your mistake and move on, you can go have a meltdown quietly later, you know, in your home, but don’t show them that they own you. Because if they see one little opening that you’re nervous about XYZ, they’ll own your soul. You don’t want, you want to learn, or even admitting I’m struggling with this right now. It’s okay, because you know what, relatable to the student, right. So those are some of the things. And don’t again hide and shame, get feedback get better be research. So those are my pearls of wisdom.

Kathleen Cushnie 22:37
Many, many pearls of wisdom. Many, many pearls of wisdom. And so, how has, you know, because you’ve got such a range of experience that is so much to dive into that we don’t have enough time for. But how has being a leader impacted you personally? How has that become part of your character?

Kris 23:00
It’s been really a wonderful experience, even though there’s been highs and lows, I think it’s a multifaceted process, and I’ve had to deep dive into myself and take a look at my own things, my triggers, what what do I value? I think that’s really important, what I stand on what I believe and what I will tolerate a little bit of that I will not tolerate. For instance, my students, they my ADHD guys, I hate to put it on them but just what I’ve seen in experience, they are brilliant liars. And I tell them and they see all my parents and I said okay, and even the parents like they lie all the time. I just can’t put…And I’m like, Okay, here’s the thing we’re going to work on that we’re going to get better next time. And you’re not going to lie to me. And I had a student, early in my career, who did that, the mom lied to me. I was like, I can’t work with that. There’s a students that hey you know, don’t tell my mom I never read the book. Okay, work with that. So they have to be honest. So honesty is the value. Figuring that out yourself. I think really helps give you a better trajectory on how you’re going to navigate the day. Yeah,

Kathleen Cushnie 24:23
Yeah! That’s so…

Kris 24:25
Does that answer your question? I hope it was…

Kathleen Cushnie 24:27
Yes, it’s does answer the question. What what’s really interesting there is that your values become your boundaries as well as what you’re willing to accept, because you know you’re, you know, that that’s broken your value, so no, I’m not going to work with you and it’s having the power and the confidence to actually do that as a leader. (Yes.) Would you say that you’ve always had that confidence? Because I think that’s that’s quite brave really to make that stand. Like they say you’ve got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything but you really did make that stand. Have you always been like that Kris?

Kris 25:02
No, I wasn’t when I was younger, it took a while, it took, I remember. Oh my goodness, so I work the first seven years of my career with a phrase they used to say, I worked in California was severely emotionally disturbed and they called it SED kids, and I worked in a private school. A lot of these kids were juvenile offenders, they all lived in group homes. So those are the ones I started my education with. And there was one altercation. I didn’t handle well because I wanted to be nice. And thank God I sat down with those two kids, and worked it out because I realised what I didn’t do. And I caught it, I did it the next day, not great for them, but that’s right admitting my mistake and said hey listen, I think, let’s revisit this. I did not handle that well. And that’s… so those moments, those failures are huge launching pads to get better. So, I did not start off I remember that day very well and I shudder, I would have never handled that now, but then I, you know, it’s not fair when you have years and years. But when you’re starting out, you’re going to, you know you want to be the nice guy, right, you want your students to like you. You learn over time, and some, and also there’s some teachers that are really strict not going to bond with the kid well that’s not good either. So a happy medium.

Kathleen Cushnie 26:30
Yeah. Does that transfer to when you’re leading a team of people would you say in terms of being nice?

Kris 26:36
Yes. Oh yeah, no, it’s it’s funny because I had so much experience that by the time it came to staff there were certain what I call well ways here’s the gossipers. The critics, the people you can never make happy. And I had, I bring them in and say, so I understand this, and of course my executive team was so good they were like on the floor, I was on the floor too sometimes, when there was a disruption in the house. I would be most intense girl, so that way my staff can do their job, so I always knew to do that to me, that was like instinct, it’s like that’s what I’d want to see in a leader is go handle the intense pit, and I did. So, But then my executive sentence you’ve seen so it’s asking about blah-blah-blah, or you’re in. So I understand what’s, there’s an issue, is there an issue going on with you and sometimes I play a little bit like in the old days they had a TV show in the States called Colombo kinda, you know, and then they blah- blah-blah and I say okay so you come to me. You don’t put it on the floor. You never say that in front of the kids. That’s not okay: it’s not professional. So that’s where I’d hone in. And if it had to be with a couple of people I’d recommend and then went through the, the, I’ve had to fire people, but I always fire with grace and dignity. How would I want to be fired, right. Do you want to be recommend? Dealing with their faults I already had documentation they had to sign that I had one on ones I had all the ducks in a row. And it’s I’m sorry I’m gonna have to let you go. You know I appreciate the work you’ve done here, but this is not a good fit. And I really wish you all the best. And they’d be devastated… but I did it, kindness, it’s hard to do unless there was a real horrible violation, which would have been hired anyway, you know, to check backgrounds and all that. So to do if you could deliver the heart message: to do it with kindness. It’s like we extend kindness to students and be flexible with students, each student learns differently, but also to when you have that tough employee, and I had them. Sometimes I’m like and you’re here because you’re the resume look good and they did certain things that were good and then there was this wonky side. I’m like, No, we can’t get out that way. If they were well poisoner my team, I really don’t get her team, I’m sitting there starting to complain and they’re starting to pull back, and this one gal that I’m talking about in particular, wasn’t attending trainings and I said okay, so it was the eighth month. You know what to expect you can arrange your schedule you get paid for this. I said when you don’t attend these meetings, I see it on the floor, because my other staff is trained and oh we’ve just learned this new dynamic, and we do role plays, we do it isn’t like here’s a hand that I was gave a hand out, talk and guest speakers, really made it part of how we teach right, kinaesthetic, hearing, listening and doing and all that. And she was an attending and I said I see it on the floor. The result is from the girls I hear from the girls, and on the floor in your other staff members are noticing. It’s important for me to be here, and just simple calm, but I’ll tell you, it sounds, it’s for someone in their 30s going to be elated and say, oh you make it sound so easy. Took a lifetime. It just does some people really are drawn to it and they’re just natural leaders, people who aren’t just, it’ll come. I think that’s one thing for people that are more amiable personality and just sweet and they don’t want to rock the boat. It’s okay to rock it, because you don’t want to suffocate yourself, keeping it quiet.

Kathleen Cushnie 30:29
Oh gosh, Kris, that is so true. Do you know, you can…It’s so easy to stifle yourself by not speaking up and there’s obviously there’s a whole point of why you know I started Voicing Education, because you just don’t want to have those difficult conversations. We have to have conflicts in order to grow. I think when we learn that the growth, then, you know, you can grow because you’ve got to push through those barriers, which generally are just down to communication, and everyone does like that no-one really enjoys a difficult conversation. So you might, you know skirt around the problem and everything, but facing it full on the fear does fades away at the end of the day, doesn’t it!?

Kris 31:16
And I think for teachers, it might be the dreaded parent. Oh my gosh, this one. Oh, I just did oh I know I’m gonna get the call or the email, oh my oh they’re gonna come to the classroom. It’s okay. You have your ducks in a row, remember the teacher is the one that, that is needing the child in education, have confidence in what you’re doing, and you have documentation. You know, it’s so funny when I document sessions with my students, and this is how I taught my staff to document where the state of Oregon looking at our documentation right it’s different when you’re self employed, but I always document as if I’m writing to a judge. I document everything. I mean, probably more than I know how to, I learned to edit and I learn to not go on and on I don’t write, you know, War and Peace, I don’t do that but I taught them, I taught my staff you have to document is if a judge is gonna read this. Because our kids were words important. So we had to really… there was a way to document and many of my staff, they were brilliant, at how they did that. So just remember you’re the one in charge, so they might apparently have anger, they might have fear, and, you know, I hate to say but hurting people hurt people. So a lot of their stuff. It’s not because of you. It’s because they haven’t had their own journey and it’s really hard when you’re that new teacher might be nice and want to be I want everyone to like me. that’s really that needs to go away. That won’t serve you, to also be expert, and you stand on that conviction, and you can do front a little bit better. Now this and this you show… once you show the parents usually especially the dads, they calm down. Oh, I oh I didn’t know it was that bad. And don’t worry, you’re probably gonna have your hand with your head going, I wrote you 42 emails about, you know, are we discussed it in our parent teacher conference. And they say, Oh I didn’t know. It’s all part of it.

Kathleen Cushnie 33:19
And I think that does come with experience because naturally teachers want to please everybody, but yes, it’s, it’s, it’s a losing game.

Kris 33:30
It’s a really, it’s the handcuffs your, your strength. So get out of those handcuffs. Yeah absolutely, put your best foot forward in as long as you have things in black and white, and deliver deliver, remember when someone is escalated, of course I’ve always dealt with escalating kids talk quietly, they’re losing it. And your like, Okay, I understand. I really do. From what I have here in front of me, etc, and you’ll find your own voice in your own mind, that’s just like a little…, but just keeping calm yourself hard to do. It’s not easy.

Kathleen Cushnie 34:13
It’s not easy. And it takes a lot of practice, and making a lot of mistakes in order to get there which you know, everyone’s on their journey and so absolutely it’s fine. So in all of this Kris how do you look after yourself? Because it’s quite intense the all the you know the experiences that you have on a daily basis, is quite intense. How do you look after yourself to keep yourself grounded and well?

Kris 34:38
Yes. Well I have a great family, and I have my friends. So, I had.. I went through quite a tragic time I lost my home to the fires in Oregon last September. In fact today is nine months, that that happened. And before that, I was diagnosed with diabetes. And so what I told my doctors let me manage it with diet and exercise, totally revamped. So I walk every day. I’m also a cancer survivor. So, I got the memo nine years ago. So when I was even working in that group home. I had a lovely long drive home, I had long drive there, I’d listen to musics and I dive into my spirituality. My strength comes from God. And that’s really… it just being in touch. My daughter’s grown, and she lives three hours north of me, but I’m staying in touch with her, just enjoying a walk and beauty, and just taking time for me and I can tell when I’m depleted, I’m like, oh, it’s time to and I build in and I teach my students how to do this. I build in what I call cushion time, like after I have my interview with you, I have a built in some cushion time just to do whatever kind of slow and low, you know. And then I have days where I’m ambitious and I get a lot done, and lighter dates. So building that get things done without being a slave to it, and then building in cushion time. I’ve always told students like they’re like, Oh man, I just you know they want to meet with me at 10 but I don’t have to go to class until one. I said, say you have an appointment. I really don’t. I said, you have an appointment with yourself. So how to build that in, how to take care put the oxygen mask on yourself, in your small child. I’m a big proponent of value. I love that. I just think that’s so it’s taken, gosh, I love that. Yeah, you have to take care of me. And I also shared that with my staff. And there was one staff we take a lot of extra shifts, and I had to talk with her I said, I love your work, I love what you do. I don’t want you to do this anymore. Let’s see if you have to take care of me. I need you to last. It’s a marathon, it’s not a it’s not a race. Yeah, I noticed that for, I noticed it for my staff, I like gosh I really want to take vacation as a ticket. Are you sure yes: go! You know, sometimes some of my, not all the time. My staff was very good about it but they’re like my kid I have to… go! Especially when we recovered if we were not then it would look different, but take care of business do you. And of course, as a teacher you can’t go oh I’m having a meltdown let me… it’s a little different because you’re, you know, it’s a little stricter. That type of thing, but take care of yourself, go to the gym, movies, just relax, have your body and your mind physically relaxed.

Kathleen Cushnie 37:42
I love that you… I love the idea of cushion time, really, you know, because I think…what just what you said so, you do something, a piece of work, and then you build in cushion time after it. So you don’t always feel like you’re on the go, you know that hamster wheel in your wheels. I think that’s very important for me, myself right gonna take that away because it’s so easy as leaders, teachers, to just keep on going. I mean, why do we do this!?

Kris 38:16
I know and that’s part of how we’re wired as teachers because we want to get the mission done and we have to get the lesson done and we’re gonna, we’re always accomplishers, and not necessarily when ever call myself type A personality but I learned to really dial it back. When you know my body now lets me know that my body will literally, literally go after two and a half, three hours okay it’s time, and it’s time and I get one warning, I’m like Okay, I’ll get to that in five minutes, second warning there’s no third. That’s how strict I’ve got. Whenever there was a change or training or something for my life. It’s kind of like moving this huge ship, kind of like, excuse the reference Titanic but a huge boat when you’re changing something, it takes time. So it’s not going to be all of a sudden like carrots and celery and peanut butter and that’s all good. No, it’s well, maybe only have three crackers or 10 potato chips, not 25.

Kathleen Cushnie 38:22
Yeah. You’re so right. Again it’s just like the marathon. Same thing. Same strategy, applied to a different area of your life. It’s so true! And so you know you’ve come up with so many gems today and over the years, what’s the best resource that has helped you along your journey would you say? Like a book or, you know what, what’s…

Kris 39:41
There are so many books it’s not even fair. Oh my goodness, you know a lot of the books that I read are spiritual books that keep me grounded. Um, so there’s that. I’ve learned a tremendous amount with my ADHD and dyslexic books. I love that. There’s a great book called ADHD 2.0 And anyone can use that. I think just the accumulation of everything I’ve learned as an educator, going through what I’ve gone through my personal life. I think that’s where it’s brought me, but really it’s been my spiritual books that have kept me tethered . Sorry, I wish I had more books to recommend.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai