Are you wondering how to show more empathy at work? Have you been ridiculed for showing care and understanding? Do you empathise with staff but are afraid to show it?
With recent events, empathy in the workplace is essential. The current pandemic and worldwide events have impacted society in ways yet to be known. This has called for a need for empathy from all.
Right now there is no greater need in leadership than for empathy.
The ability to relate to others and their feelings will carry a team through stressful and difficult times. So why is showing care and concern for some leaders seen as a ‘weakness’? Why has it taken a world crisis for some leaders to show empathy towards staff?
Empathy and the unspoken rule
Over years the career pathway to leadership has been: to become a consistently good or outstanding teacher; to lead a subject successfully; manage a team of teachers; then get promoted to leadership. Once on the Senior Leadership team, those that knew you before believe that you have changed. The promoted one thinks they should change in order to be a good leader. An unwritten and unspoken rule that they can no longer mix with their colleagues is followed religiously to the detriment of some close friendships. Bizarrely some leaders think that not having friendships or showing empathy towards staff will make them a ‘better leader’.
This may sound familiar to some but appear to be an over exaggeration for others. I hope it’s the latter. However from my experience, I have known a leader who was advised to consider their friendships following their promotion. An internal battle to prove themselves and make an impact is then pursued. Sadly, in these scenarios, what usually happens is that leaders get over concerned with their position. Empathy is lost. And at times, they forget their ‘REAL’ role which is to lead.
Successful manager or successful leader?
Occasionally, what can occur in schools is that outstanding teachers apply for positions of leadership. Due to a successful interview and their known excellent track record, they are accepted. What should follow is a smooth transition into the new role as a leader. Some do this seamlessly, some take a little time to settle into their new position as a leader whilst others never seem to grasp it. They assume instead that management is leadership or simply continue with their outstanding teaching without leading their team.
It is often viewed that a promotion to leadership is the next step for a teacher with a few years of outstanding practice. They have worked so hard so surely they deserve it!? We are so used to this trajectory, that what may materialise, is a situation where Heads realise that their outstanding teachers may not always be the best candidate for a successful leader. Training is necessary.
Learning to lead
Training is essential to ensure that an outstanding teacher doesn’t fall into the trap of becoming a great manager who enjoys managing their team because they know the inner workings and complexities of the job. This would be equivalent to the new leader simply transitioning into a higher paid role to still do their former role exceptionally well but with experience and ‘status’.
The tendency then is for the ‘outstanding teacher’ to prove to their former colleagues they are worthy of their new role. They demonstrate exactly what they are great at by ‘micro-managing’ their colleagues and directing them to do things as they have done previously. Perhaps you may have experienced this when a colleague has been promoted? You feel like they are breathing down your neck at every step you take during your day checking in with you to see that you are doing your job to their standard. What follows is a lack of autonomy, creativity and motivation from the team.
This ‘micro-management’ can be confused as good leadership to a new leader who has not received training and/or who is not a natural leader.
This is a problem.
There is a clear difference between a manager and a leader. This is why I believe it is essential that BEFORE a candidate wants to proceed into a leadership position the training should be offered. We cannot simply promote an ‘outstanding teacher’ and then expect them to be a great leader without providing them with training.
The real job of a leader is not about being ‘in charge’ it’s about taking care of those in our charge.
Simon Sinek
Leadership requires the skill of perspective.
What about empathy and perspective?
Leadership does not come easily to everyone. Likewise not all leaders are great.
In the world we live in today, great leaders need more than just academic excellence, great communication skills and previous experience. Leaders must become competent with displaying two fundamental human attributes of leadership.
I am in complete agreement with motivational speaker and author Simon Sinek who said, ‘Great leaders must have these two things: Empathy and perspective’. An understanding of the people you are working with is vital in order for teams to work successfully. What works well is a team with varied perspectives on a matter. There are benefits to viewing situations from a range of perspectives and it can really shed light on areas that may have been missed or misunderstood. To be a great leader is to understand that there is not only one way to achieve a task or desired goal. There is strength in perspective.
Should all teachers be leaders?
Leadership should be viewed as a credible skill which is continuously developed.
With this in mind, leadership is not for everyone. Although leadership skills can be learnt, and like all other skills practised, some teachers are naturally going to excel at this more than others. When you speak to teachers, who thoroughly enjoy their jobs, teach engaging lessons and have the most amazing relationships with their students, some would rather teach than be in a position of leadership. Everyone does not want to be a leader. This should be completely acceptable. And not everyone should be a leader.
Successful leaders have refined their skills and work well with people whilst setting a great example.
Humility is crucial here. In my opinion, an effective leader must be able to empathise with the people they are leading and be able to have a variety of perspectives in order to one: empathise and two: navigate the way forward. Progression has many pathways. A great leader knows which path to take when they understand the team they are leading.
Understanding is key. Empathy does not come without understanding.
Who are empathetic leaders?
Empathetic leaders face a great deal of sacrifice. Many of these sacrifices are unseen. A few examples may be: staying late to train soon to be leaders who are not yet ready for the leap; troubleshooting a potential future problem; spending a Saturday at a conference discussing potential pathways of progression; and staying late after school (empathising with a worried child who is unsure whether they may be returning to their home that night.)
Headteachers are responsible for teachers who are responsible for teaching the pupils. Successful leaders therefore have to take the full responsibility of their role.
Heads are accountable for their school’s results but it is the teachers who are responsible for this on a daily basis. Effective Headteachers guide, support and care for the teachers who produce the results. This relationship works best when empathy is apparent.
When teachers feel worthwhile their teaching improves. This benefits the pupils which subsequently leads to good results. I mean results in its holistic meaning. With balanced pupil and teacher wellbeing progress converts to great results for all.
How can empathetic leaders add value?
If a teacher is underperforming, leaders should reflect on how they have been leading. The onus is always on the leader. Remember it is the leader that has full responsibility. By default leaders HAVE to encompass empathy in order to relate and see from the perspective of another.
If you are a leader, consider this: what am I doing to ensure my staff know they are valued?
Empathy is feeling with people.
Brene Brown
Empathy is the ability to stay present with another person’s feelings. But leaders should be careful not to confuse empathy with sympathy.
Empathy is supportive and a demonstration of seeking to understand.
Sympathy is feeling pity or sorrow for another’s suffering.
Empathy seeks to connect.
Sympathy creates a distance.
We often speak about closing the gap in schools. However, a gap that needs closing is between school staff (including teachers) and the school leaders. The ‘them’ and ‘us’ attitude needs to dissolve. With empathy, true connections can be established to ensure effective working relationships benefit all.
What more can leaders do?
Empathy must be the choice for leaders. Leaders must be able to connect with their staff. We need to focus on the teacher, not just their results.
I believe the old style of leadership is slowly deconstructing as people realise the benefits of revealing their ‘human side’. I have always been baffled by how this has been frowned upon in all workplaces not just schools. When people know they can relate to you as a leader, and more so that you seek to relate to them with non-judgemental understanding, then true connection is made.
Pressure and outcome driven leadership is losing its impact amongst staff. The world is different now. Even more so after Covid. Many of our staff are suffering. The collective experience that we are all going through needs leaders who can show empathy.
School leaders have not been exempt from Covid and therefore may find it easier to relate to others. We can’t escape the truth. The world has changed. School leaders need to too.
How can we help our teachers perform at their natural best?
This requires leaders to reflect on their leadership style. When empathy is practised it will impact the decisions made and how things are perceived.
The old models of leadership need to be addressed. New questions need to be asked. And leaders now need to look within.
How can we help our teachers perform at their natural best? How will you share empathy within your team?
Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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